Piper's Date
by orthankg1
Summary: So this is something of a gift to a friend, LizzeXX, a brilliant and devoted author who is far better a writing then I am. I asked her if I could write this as kind of a companion to her series, The Bedtime Stories. If you want this to make any sense, you will need to read those amazing stories, which can be found in my community, but it's also a great stand alone I'd say.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is something of a gift to a friend, LizzeXX, a brilliant and devoted author who is far better a writing then I am.**

 **Just to get this out of the way, Piper/Pip is not my character. 1) I'm not that good to create something as good as this character. 2) She'd kill me with vicious killing and such if I tried to plagiarize her. And 3) no one is stupid enough (excluding any politicians who might read this story) to actually believe I came up with an OC this good.**

 **This will be put in my community, where you can also find her works. So please feel free to check that out as this little one shot will make a lot clearer then.**

* * *

 **For those who are a fan of the Bedtime Stories series, this takes place right after Gold takes Hook's heart from him.**

 **Please leave some room for disbelief as this requires a warping of the time line so that Piper can leave the docks with Emma and goes to the shop, with Gold having enough time to get from the Mansion to the shop and set things up for what is happening in this chap.**

 **And ignore certain parts about time line and few other things, and all shall be fine.**

* * *

Gold had set everything up in the shop, a perfect atmosphere.

Fake light up candles, soft Bach music in the background playing, a bottle of wine, and fresh salmon, perfectly marinated in white wine and spices before being grilled to perfection.

"Rummy?" He heard Pip call coming into the shop. He knew she could smell the food and noticed the soft light coming from the back room.

"In the back my love."

Piper walked through the curtain with a look on her face. She knew something was up as him, being this romantic, she was waiting to see who it was he must have killed to put him in such a great mood. She was quite excited. "Please have a seat." He said smiling.

But as she walked over to the table, he didn't get up to pull out the chair. "Rummy?"

But then a smirk grew on his face. "Oh, silly me, I've forgotten my manners." And with a wave of his hand, Hook appeared behind the chair in a waiter uniform. "Would you kindly pull the chair out for the lady." Gold said, saying it in a way that made it clear it was an order.

Piper just looked at Hook and, lessening to his song, had to suppress a smile, not wanting to spoil the fun for Rummy. Hook pulled out her chair. "And that outfit is to, not flattering enough." He waved his hand again and a dark blood red dress appeared on her, her hair becoming a little bouncier and curlier. "I just want you to know it is taking a Herculean effort not to traumatize Hook with you in that lovely dress, looking so, dark."

Piper could feel the blush on her face, she knew he knew he was making her feel like a stupid school girl, but right now she was fine with that. "As if I care if he is traumatized."

"Well, I'm selfish, so even if it did scar him, he'd still see things that only I get to see." He said smiling as Hook served the food and poured the wine.

The face the captain was making showed Gold that the mental images going through his head were vastly unpleasant. And that made the evening even better. "I have two presents for you my heart."

"Oh, I thought I already had your heart?" Piper said smiling at just how much that little sentiment actually meant to them, all things considered.

"You do, but why not have another." He said pulling out a heart and setting it on the table.

And Piper could easily guess whose it was. She gave the rat standing next to the table a passing smirk. "Oh, well." She pocked it with her fork, loving the look of pain it was causing Hook. "Not in the best condition, seems rather used." She then hit the heart against the table, and Hook almost fell to the ground from the pain.

So she did it a few more times.

"Yes, a little damaged, are you sure you got a good deal?"

"Oh don't worry my darling Pip, it was quite the… steal." Gold said smiling.

"Oh, well in that case I am upset that you gave me such a cheap gift." Piper said with mock offence, slapping the heart repeatedly with her spoon.

Hook was now doubled over in pain. "Be careful you fool your going to make a mess, come refill the wine." Gold said. And Hook slowly managed to get up. "Good help is so hard to find these days." He said smiling back at Pip.

"Well, maybe he is just not putting his heart in it, lazy man." Piper smirked. "And your second gift to me is?"

Gold then stood up and quickly got a very pretty box from the shelf. "Henry helped make it just so you know. He loved that he was able to help his grandfather make his Aunt P such a beautiful gift." He then opened the box to reveal a new and very ornate pipe, more beautiful because Henry had helped make it.

Piper had to kiss him for such a great gift, but of course the door to the shop opened when she started to get up. "Gold." Snow called out, and Piper had never wanted her cousin to be not around her more than she did right then.

Gold quickly made the heart disappear. And then the Hero's burst in. "Unless the town has become infected with a disease that will turn us all into fairies, it is not important enough for you to be here, come back in five minutes." Gold said.

"The Shattered Sight curse is coming." Charming said.

Gold seemed to consider for a moment. "Two minutes."

"Gold." Emma said, before noticing Hook in the waiter's outfit. Pointing at him with an open mouth. "What is that?"

Gold looked at Hook. "Oh that, well it's about our deal for his hand being returned. I helped him be romantic with you, and now he's helping me be romantic with my love."

"Really?" Emma asked, looking at Piper.

"Yes, Hook is really, putting his heart in to trying to win my approval. He has not even vomited once as Rummy declared his undying love to me, several times."

"Not for lack of trying." Hook said earning him a glare from Gold, and Hook could feel the heart magic being used on him again. "He's been extremely, mushy." Hook, or rather Gold controlling Hook, said.

Emma was a little shocked, but impressed, but then Henry spoke up. "Hay!" He said going over to the table and picking up a very pretty box. "You gave it to her without me." Henry said glaring at Gold.

"And what a gift it is, your grandfather told me how hard you worked on polishing and fixing up the box and pipe for me. It's the best pipe I've ever been given, by the two most important men in my life." Piper said hugging Henry, hoping to save Gold from the young man's wrath. "No offence Charming."

"Oh, none taken, even Snow likes Henry better than me." He said.

"Well, two minutes are up, can we borrow Aunt P." Emma said. "And your penguin." Emma said pointing at Hook.

Gold looked upset, but amused at the joke, his limited knowledge of old cartoons Pip told him August had liked as a child letting him catch the reference.

"Very well." He said waving his hand, causing both Pip and Hook to be dressed like they normally would. "But when this is all over I expect an interruption free date with my true love."

"If only I could promise you that Gold, if only." Emma said smiling.


	2. Chapter 2 - OUCH!

**First off please know that any disclaimers I made in the last chapter still apply.**

 **Hello everyone, I have decided to fulfill one of my plot bunnies. When I wrote the first chapter of this story I intended to be a simple one-shot, but another idea I had had kept nagging at me and nagging at me and so I finally decided to tell to shut up okay you win.**

 **And because for some reason LizzeXX has dropped off the face of the earth, my money's on the idea that she probably got hit by a truck because otherwise she would've updated her Tumbler account to say why it is she has not updated any of her stories in such a long time. She was a small side note if anybody does know what happened would you mind telling me, I'm ever so slightly worried.**

 **Back to my original point of mentioning the fact that because she has disappeared for the time being, I am doing this to help ease the blow.**

 **And of course of the purely selfish reason of shutting up the plot bunnies and because I have an extraordinarily sadistic urge, as many of you who I talk to on the site would know, to see Hook suffer in as many unpleasant ways as is humanly possible.**

* * *

 **And I'm going to ask that you please all suspend your disbelief if you have read the Bedtime Story Series.**

 **If I'm being perfectly honest it is not meant to be taken seriously in really any way. The number of plot holes you will find if you compare it to the other story is immense, the timelines almost certainly won't add up, and how it is this manages to happen without anyone noticing would be highly unlikely.**

 **The point of the story is not to make sense so much as to enjoy watching the character suffer.**

 **And so if you're not into that kind of thing, the doors to your left go down the hall and take the third right and you should find the exit down the stairs.**

 **And the rest of you who are still with me, please enjoy.**

 **And no we shall not be killing Hook, this time.**

* * *

This shattered site spell had failed, miserably. And that was all thanks to his Pip.

And she was on her way back from the hospital, and the heroes were currently on wild goose chase looking for portals.

And that was fine to him, because all Rumplestiltskin really wanted right now is to focus on the final parts of his plan involved in finally being free from that dagger. And after all large part of what made him, well; what he is is the fact that he was always so meticulous and careful in his planning.

But at the moment there were a couple of other parts of his nature currently bugging him. The first being the part of him that was an opportunist, second being the part that was vengeful, the third being the part that demanded respect, and the fourth being the part that really hated it when anyone decided that they wanted to try and gloat when they were in no position.

And it just so happened that this particular moment in time, certain pirate was taunting the latter FOUR parts.

This stupid man just kept going on and on, saying how his plan would never work, how he would fail, trying to use his true love and her family against him, constantly trying to make him doubt the plan, and just being a general pain.

So when Hook went to meet him and Piper, Gold decided that now was a good time to get a few things straight. "Captain, I have decided to do something completely out of character."

"Don't tell me, you're going to let me go and forget all this craziness about cleaving yourself from your bloody dagger, but not before issuing me a heartfelt apology now asking for my forgiveness."

"I said out of character, I didn't say I would do something that would qualify as a complete and utter loss of one's sanity to the point of where I would declared to insane to be allowed in Wonderland." Gold said smiling. "Now I decided to indulge myself, we have time before the stars shall align properly, and I feel as if I must give you what is coming to you."

"Why does that not fill me with much hope?"

Gold seemed to consider for a moment. "Perhaps you're finally developing a bit of common sense, my congratulations, not that it will do you much good in the long run." Gold said before causing Hook's heart to appear in his hand. "But if it's any consolation, the long run won't be a problem for you in the very near future." He then squeezed the heart. "Please walk onto the road."

Hook, with a very unfriendly look on his face, did as he was told. But the look quickly changed from unfriendly to rather frightened when he noticed Gold's car sitting in the road, and the fish was behind the wheel. "This is just something of a get well present for my dear love, a reward for not brutally harming anyone when they called her the hero of the town today."

"Oh come on Gold, this is childish." Hook said waving his arms towards the car.

Gold merely responded by walking towards the man after conjuring up a green flag. "Yes it is childish, it's also immature, poor form, and slightly cowardly of me to go and put you in a position to be run down without even giving you a chance to perhaps jump out of the way. But then..." Gold said, pausing to look for full for a moment. "I suppose it's no more cowardly and or showing a lack of good form then challenging a cripple to a duel for his wife." Gold said smiling. He then raised green flag up. "Now, let me see; I believe it was three broken ribs, a bruised lung, a dislocated shoulder, two broken fingers, and a fractured knee." Gold then looked at the pirate as if he was discussing the weather and asking for confirmation. "That is what the doctors said happened to you after being hit by the car Greg Mendel was driving, yes?" Hook looked at him, fear and maybe a bit of begging in his eyes.

Gold just smiled and looked towards his car, and more importantly Piper. "Let's see if we can break the record."

And then bring the flag down as he stepped back while Piper started the car and began barreling towards the helpless Pirate.

When the car finally hit him it was going rather fast, probably about 30 miles an hour. After hitting the bumper, Hook went and rolled over the hood, up the windshield, over the top of the car and down the backside.

"Ouch. You know, I am no doctor, and considering just what poor credentials the medical staff in this town have, thank heavens for that, but that did look very painful."

"Do you think I managed to break a few ribs?" Piper asked as she drove the car up next to where Gold was standing, looking down at the pirate's mangled form.

"Let me check." Gold said before poking Hook side, he then proceeded to poke the other side a few times, and each time his cane made contact the man in question let out a very painful moan. "I'd say you broke six ribs and his shin, since I don't think they naturally bend that way, probably broke his lower spine and his pelvis a bit, I think he might've dislocated a shoulder." Gold said nudging the shoulder which caused Hook to yelp. "Yep, definitely dislocated." Gold said continuing to nudge and probe the man. "I think you might have also broken his arm in, three, no, I think it could be four places, and the other one I think five."

Gold finished his inspection, something the pirate did not enjoying the slightest. "Well, I guess it's time to fix you up." And with a wave of his hand, Hook was healed 100%, but not without being allowed to feel the pain of the healing. "After all, we may have broken the record, but why settle for just once?"

"I could not agree more my love." Piper said smiling and kissing him through the rolled down window. "After all practice makes perfect."

* * *

In total Hook was run over nine times with the car, and backed over four times. And by the end of it he had managed to break every bone in his body at least twice, with some of the larger ones like the limbs and ribs being broken every time almost, and at least one or two ribs always broken in multiple places, along with at least one of his limbs breaking in three or more places.

Gold then decided that he and Piper would have to enact a poem he had written for her.

There were only three characters, not very well developed unfortunately, perhaps to the fact that he took a full five minutes to write it when sudden inspiration struck. The first was played by him, the handsome villain of whom had fallen in love with a beautiful enchantress, played, of course, by Pip, who decided to darken her heart and become evil so she could be with him.

Hook played the role of the ugly moron of a hero, who was more interested in looking at his own reflection in his sword than fighting.

The play was simple. Hook would attempt to rescue the "poor and defenseless" enchantress from the evil villain. However he would be distracted by his own reflection in his sword, allowing Gold to stab him in the gut. Then our fair maiden would come in center stage, and distressed at the fact that her love had been forced to exert himself so, and gotten blood on his lovely clothing for her while dealing with this moron, would proceed to grab the nearest blunt object in beat him repeatedly.

The script called for several broken bones, a few good punches to the face to provide authentic nose bleeding and the dislocation of the jaw.

And finally are two villains would end the play with a very romantic kiss as the hero bled out, stage right.

Of course, there had to be several rehearsals to make sure it captured Gold's artistic vision properly. However on the opening, and only production of the play, they decided to improvise the kissing scene a little bit, replacing it with a rather authentic looking make out session.

In fact some critics wondered, if not for the grunting of the hero to draw their attention that the scene might have turned into a rather authentic and graphic love scene.

Which of course meant, because of the interruption, our Lady enchantress had to also improvise an impromptu beating of the hero.

* * *

The last part of the evening was spent in a quiet meadow watching the sunset, the two love birds each speaking quiet words of loving nothings. Saying how wonderful it would be to finally be free of the dagger, reminiscing over old torture sessions and hunting down those who Piper had let go.

But the absolute favorite thing they were enjoying was watching Hook walk back and forth, getting things out of the picnic basket like fresh wine and food after they place the basket a good 50 feet away.

The motivation of course was the curse Gold had placed on his shoes.

When Piper was telling him about raising August as a child, she mentioned how her and other mothers would occasionally chat at school functions.

At around first to third grade, and near constant topic of conversation was young boys' inability to clean their rooms, and the extraordinary danger of attempting it yourself. Because boys at that age had Legos, and as they could all agree, the only pain worse than stepping on a Lego was childbirth.

And so Gold in a fit and amusement had decided to curse Hook's shoes so that whenever he took a step it would feel as if he was stepping on the pointy end of the Lego, while being on the hard floor.

It was a rather inconvenient, placing that curse on Hook. Because the sound of his constant pain and the very amusing look on his face was very distracting from the lovely view of the sunset, and also the lovely view of each other.

But they soldiered on for his sake; after all, what was the point of torturing someone if you couldn't enjoy it. "I'm afraid all good things must come to an end, it will be time soon." Gold said, his voice making it very clear that he was regretting, not what they were going to do, but the fact that they had to stop doing what they were doing right then to do it.

"Yes. If only we could risk delaying for a little while, for I am loathed to move from such a comfortable spot, with such a handsome man and such wonderful entertainment." She said turning to look at hook and raising her glass of champagne. "My compliments on your efforts to amuse us Captain."

"So glad the lady approves." Hook said gritting his teeth as he walked over. "More wine?"

"No, you can go put it back now." She said with a very evil smirk on her face. One that only grew from the hisses and groans he made walking away. She then turned to Gold. "Have I ever bothered to mention how much I love your gifts?"

"A few times perhaps." Gold said smiling. "And if we weren't so pressed for time, perhaps I would let you show me."

And Piper just smiled at that, a genuine smile full of love, lust, and affection. "We'll just have to make it up tomorrow."

And Gold smiled contentedly while looking out the sunset. "I think I just might be able to do that." He said stealing one last kiss before they had to proof away, up to the top of the clock tower.

* * *

 **I hope you all enjoy this is much easier the last chapter, and find it as amusing as I do.**

 **And I must sound like a broken record, but one more time please if anyone knows why Lizzie has not updated any of her stories or her tumbler recently, please do mention in a review or a PM, I have actually received one or two wondering if I know anything.**

 **And for anyone who wants to read some of my slightly more original works, I do have a few.**

 **But please be forewarned, I can count the number of authors as good as Lizzie XX on one hand and can count the number of authors that dedicated on one finger. So if you're looking for anything as good as hers, I could suggest the works of DaesGatling or Twyla Mercedes or Ravenclaw992.**

 **Unfortunately all of these ladies are a whole lot better than I. But I have been told by some people, although to be fare appreciative just lying to spare my feelings, that I can actually write a decent plot, with the occasional bit of good humor**


	3. Chapter 3 - Author Note

**Hip hip hurray and hurrah.**

 **LizzeXX is back, she is alive, everybody cheer and so forth.**

 **Everybody who wanted to know, there you go, and thank you all for reading these little stories of mine as well.**

 **-OrthankG1**


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